2:30 AM Ramblings

It's 2:30 AM. I'm tired, but I can't sleep. Today, well, actually yesterday, was my first official indefinite day off. I got laid off. Corporate mumbo jumbo. I'm so sick of thinking about it, but I can't seem to stop obsessing about it. Wasn't performance based. It was because of ... argh. I'm so sick of talking about it. My friends mean well, but they treat me like someone died. Calling and checking in on me. Making sure that I'm OK. Am I bummed? Yes. Am I distraught and suicidal? No. But let's examine WHY I'm bummed. It's not because I loved my job so much and can't seem to live without it. It's because of the way things went down. It's because I had to fight so hard for that extra week of severance. It's because I'm moving across the country with my boyfriend and I don't have a freaking job. It's because I'm a hypochondriac and don't have health insurance. All normal reasons (aside from the hypochondria). But I feel like I'm a strong person and I will get through this. However, like I said, while my friends mean well - it's just too much. I don't like being treated like a victim. Worse things happen to people all the time. My friend Joe told me to take this next week off and not look for a job. Just chill and kind of settle into not being employed. In theory, I believe that this is a great idea. In practice, not so much. I mean, wouldn't it be human nature to look for a job? He and my boyfriend are the only ones that kind of "get it." OH, and don't even get me started on the morons that want all the gossip about what happened even though I haven't talked to them in months and months and months. There are some people that are sincere and concerned, and there are some people that see my being laid off as sensationalistic. It drives me insane. I don't know if this post is even making sense.

I went to Hawaii with my gal pals and my friend said a crazy sentence. "Do you guys...is who is was?" She was referring to some famous Hawaiian singer named Izrael or something like that...but the sentence just didn't come out right. I figured that was a proper name for my blog, as a lot of this will just be me rambling. I've got a big couple months ahead of me. Moving across the country, losing my job and having indefinite time off for the very first time in my life and I turn 30. Holy shit. I turn 30 years old. I don't think that anyone will be reading my blog, so I guess this is my DEAR DIARY...

must sleep...must sleep.....